The Mother Curse

I realized yesterday that I have the mother's curse.  My dog is jut like me!  Oh heaven help me!  I rail against my crazy adolescent that seems to struggle with self control.  I used to cry when I had to take Sheena to class, because she was "so crazy".  The whole time, unaware that I was actually railing against the knowledge that they are just like me.  Ron has pointed this fact out several times over the years, however I ignored any implications that we were similar.  He is a man and of course he could not have an insight to anything so deep.  I hate the taste of crow......

The whole time I was in school I got great grades, but always had that little box on my report card checked that said "Does not practice self control" - translation...I talk too much.  I never really got in trouble, notes were occasionally sent home but I managed to never once take a trip to the principals office.  I'm pretty sure Sheena and Phalen would have similar experiences, well except that Phalen would get in trouble for fighting.  My actions drove my parents, especially my dad insane!  If he were here, he would be laughing in my face and enjoying every minute of this!  I do miss him so much!

My Sheena, the sweetest dog that God ever created is a total wild child.  I see in her my wanderlust and the need for life to be a party.  She is a good worker, but is sure that she knows a better way to do things and will always add her own special twist to whatever you ask her to do.  As she has aged she has calmed a bit, but is ready at the drop of a hat to be her former party girl self.  Hmm, sounds vaguely familiar.

This realization has given me a whole new appreciation for Phalen.  I have deeper empathy for how he feels, and what is going on in that head of his.  So smart, able to do anything I ask, but struggles with the self control.  I think my struggle with Phalen has been harder in many ways than with Sheena because of the violence.  I still don't claim to understand that part, but I do understand the impulse control and how hard he tries to please me.  I understand the look in his eyes that says, "Mom I am trying so hard but I just gotta do it".  And I understand the look when he disappoints me and feels remorse.  I know that feeling first hand, and how you would give anything to make it right, that is until the next time you can't stop yourself.

I'll going to take the mom curse and celebrate it.  I am going to be thankful that my dogs love life enough to view it as a party.  I am for once going to be the anchor that helps keep them grounded, but not an anchor around their necks.  I want them to party, to celebrate life, to explore,heck most of the time I join in!   However,  I will be there to help direct them and to pick them up when they 'don't exercise self control".  And Ron will be there for all of us, holding on for dear life so that we don't float away and rolling his eyes. I just realized that I need to thank him, for unlike my parents, he has 3 of us in the house.  Maybe the curse is not on me but on Ron......