Consequences

I am the queen of making bad decisions.  I generally have to learn things the hard way and I have had many regrets over the years.  Why then am I surprised that Phalen is so much like me?  He rushes in head first, not thinking it through and then has to live with the consequences.

He decided that Abby 2 was too much and attacked her.  I broke up the fight and now they are separated  This morning he is next to me whining and looking out the window at the Abbys playing in the back yard.  I see the regret and confusion on his face,  The desire to go and play with the girls and the knowledge that I will not let him.  He pleads with me, looks at me imploringly, but none of it works.  I just sit and cry and try to explain to him that I can't trust him.  I can't risk that he will hurt this beautiful puppy both emotionally and physically.  My heart breaks a little more with each whine, and when I speak the words "I can't trust you" it almost crushes me.

This is my sweet boy who gives kisses and snuggles all of his 96 lbs.on my lap.  My baby who actually has beautiful play skills, and I raised to love other dogs.  This is the boy who spent so much time yesterday licking my bandage where he bit my leg while I was pulling him off the puppy.  Such soft sweet licks, and with each lick I felt the regret and sorrow.  The boy who follows me with love in his eyes and who will do anything I ask...except like other dogs.

This is a strange journey that we are on.  I know that there is much to learn and the lessons are important, but today I just want it to be easy.  That's not going to happen, things are ever seldom easy for me.  Instead, I am going to concentrate on whatever positives I can pull from this, look at what I can learn and cry a few well deserved tears.