Too Big For A Box

Stay between the lines, fit inside the box, be one of the flock, the status quo, conform…eek!  Words that scare the hell out of me!  Words that make me feel trapped and itchy.  Almost like an allergic reaction.  My dad would be laughing his head off and rolling his eyes, but with a twinkle in them.  Maybe he is the reason I don’t conform.  He definitely  marched to the beat of his own drummer, let’s be honest, he had a whole band!  God, I miss him!  I digress….

I went to see Grisha Stewart last week.  She was great!  Personable, intelligent, direct, all of the things I love.  I like BAT, I use it, but I just can’t get completely on board.  There are missing elements for me and words like “fix” that really bother me.  Trying to “fix” Phalen was what got me in so much trouble.  Of course, as always, I totally respect her work, and take what I need and leave the rest.  Just to be clear, I am not bashing BAT. 

This is more about me.  Kathy said that I need to look for the path of least resistance.  She is right; I always end up cutting my own path through the forest.  I am getting better at not getting caught in the brambles, but the well worn path is just not for me.  I am glad it is there for others and that they find their way on it.  In fact I am thankful for those that go before me, and would never discount their path, but it’s just not mine.  Kind of scary to say out loud, but freeing as well.

I am certainly not saying I have the answers, because I don’t for sure, but I do know there is more, a missing piece.  Reactivity and fear is about the whole dog, not just pieces.  I am still searching, still figuring it out.  Some days I think I have a damn good handle on it and others, whew I have no clue.  But I am not giving up!  Even if I do find what I think is the answer I would expect others to look at my work and say;” It’s good, but it’s missing some elements.”  That is what evolution and growth is about.  Building on the work of others before you, but not being frightened to stray from the path and risk getting a bramble in your butt.

So maybe I haven’t found my box, or maybe I never will.  Either way I am fine.  Boxes aren’t for everyone, some of us need wide open spaces, and we need to see the sun, the sky, the moon and the stars.  The view is pretty awesome!